I just wanted to take this opportunity to profusely thank you for your behavior yesterday during the wetlands hike. I was so hoping that during the hour long scenic tour of the animals and birds that inhabit the wetlands there would be someone like you who would shout into his blackberry right in front of us for the entire time. Nature, in its most incredible form would just have not been the same if not for your loud obnoxious voice talking about the football game while watched a Blue Heron feed its young.
You deserve a boy-scouts badge for the way you screamed to the person on the other end of the line while we stood next to the first alligator I have ever seen in real life.
I am so pleased to know that douchbaggery can still exist in the wild. I was concerned for a while that people would be respectful and awed by the glorious wonders of nature. Thanks for proving me wrong.
I totally respect your need to make plans to go drinking later that day. Holy, how ever would you manage if you actually had to wait a whole hour before leaving the wetland park? What if all your home-boys went for beers without you? It would have been a total waste of the day to just enjoy watching Cranes soar above your head and turtles swim under the bridge below your feet.
Also, your constant talking was the least bit disruptive so thank you also for not completely irritating the hell out of me. It was so peaceful to enjoy this kind of scenery with you right around me.
You are a gem Jordan. I absolutely cannot believe that you are not married, a fact which you revealed in your hour long conversation. Who would not want to spend their lives with an oily bohunk like you.
Perhaps next time I am visiting some rare exhibition at the art gallery you will come and reenact your classy and thoughtful behaviors to heighten the experience.
You should not at all be ashamed and I don't think you are a a total loser who probably lives at home with his mom at age 40.
Your friend,
Jane
P.S. Point: Do it again Jordan, and I will feed you to the gators. Watch your fat ass.
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