Bed-in-a-Bag.

My boyfriend has this bedding that is brown checkered with matching throw pillows. Visually it is nice, masculine, unobtrusive, however, it is made of fabric that comes straight from the sweatshops of hell. I'm going to guess polyester- the great imitator- which in the case of his bedding was made to imitate microfiber. Who would want a good quality microfiber bed in the first place would be my initial question followed with an attempt to get my head around imitation microfiber. It is basically like you are sleeping in or on a cheap, fake, suede boot and feels just about as lovely as it sounds.

On top of the fact that the feeing of the fabric makes me recoil in disgust and evokes in me the feeling of eating a candy that is far too sweet and stuffed with extra sugar the Bed from the Bag also pills. So now we have this thin (nice looking from afar) polyester microfiber wannabe blanket and on the underside over 4000 small balls of broken fabric fibers have clustered making the flip side of the blanket feel like you are pressed against an 80 year old man with a million old people skin bump things.

Anyways, I sleep in this "bed" every night, complaining night after night about the horrific bedtime conditions- a complaint which has now been rendered futile since we will soon be moving in together and thus sharing my AMAZING Hypoallergenic, Soft as a Cloud Duvet with COTTON cover- and I complain, I toss, I turn, I sweat, I wake up with migraines due to dehydration from sweating and I lament the fact that I live at home and can't (at 27) have a boy (who I have been dating for over 2 years) sleep in my room.

Last night however, was the straw that broke the camels back and the reason I address the issue of his microfuckingfiber/ polyester bed. I am fortunate that the man I love is a cuddler. Sorry to embarrass him but he is, he loves to spoon or just generally be attached to me in some way during our sleeps. I am unfortunate that just one person alone under the abyss of this blanket will sweat about half their body weight as polyester, specifically bad polyester, specifically this polyester does not breath the heat just stays with you. Alone I could take it. I'm a cold ish person and do like to be warm in my bed but with two of us that shit is out of control. Now even this I manage, not without a little complaining, but I manage BUT this winter he decided to crank up the heat an idea that commenced last night. Heat+2 people's body heat+non breathing polyester=the worst night's sleep I have ever had= me telling my waxing lady this afternoon to go fuck her mother during a routine bikini wax.

Point: I write this as a warning to other girlfriends out there who may not want to step in after 2 months of dating and say "hey babe, that bed in a bag looks nice but maybe you should go for a duvet" thinking they will be overstepping their boundaries- DO IT... or live, as I do to curse the day that bullshit bag was ever unpacked, throw pillows and all.