Things that make you want to barf in your mouth.

While doing some research on the car ride down to the flea market for the "words that make you want to barf in your mouth" blog I began a conversation that slowly but surely led to "things" that evoke those same feelings. Because they provided many laughs on the 45 minute drive on the Turnpike, I thought I might share them.

Let's do this top 10 styles.

10. People with food in their teeth.

Now, I'm not talking about a poppyseed or a piece of diced up herbage, I'm talking a piece of broccoli or a chunk of meat. Something which you can fully identify and something which protrudes out from the tooth which it is lodged in. The grossest is when you see this person all day and the food does not move. How do you not know people? It always makes me wonder why this person is oblivious. Are you that used to having things lodged in your mouth? I especially find this scenario sickening when the person talks to you and the food flaps around in their mouths... that being said I also usually don't tell them about the entire pizza in between their two front teeth. My revenge to the universe that put this unsavory person in front of me to begin with.

9. Hands and the bathroom.

Part A- people who want to touch you or shake your hand right after you know they have been in the bathroom. Thank god I never went into traditional business. I am a complete germaphobe and also think people are generally gross even when clean. I would just die to have to spend my days shaking hands with strangers. My hands would simply erode from all the purel I would be forced to use. You know what people? Politeness Shmoliteness, don't touch me when you get out of the bathroom, just don't.

Part B- people who blatantly don't wash their hands after using the bathroom. EWW. What you do at home is one thing people, and I could care less, but in a public bathroom you had better be washing those hands. I don't want to know about the germs you are carrying around from having touched the toilet flusher, the lock to the toilet stall, your junk, whatever, it is just repulsive. The most awful is watching someone from scenario B interact with someone from scenario A, this is why I don't like touching people.

Also, in this same category, I think possibly the most vomit inducing thought is when you read the signs on public bathrooms, specifically in places that serve food, that say "all employees must wash their hands". Do your employees hail from kindergarden? Who would serve food with bathroom hands. Apparently enough people to warrant that sign and inspire me to embrace a life of agoraphobia.

8. Subway sweat stains.

I hate the subway. In rush hour it is like being in your own smushy box of hell. This obviously goes back to my not liking to touch people and in the subway this is simply unavoidable. Sometimes it is ok. Sometimes you are slotted between a good looking guy and a polite elderly person who does not smell like formaldehyde. Sometimes this is not

the case. There you are minding your own sweet business when a large (usually ethnic)

man reaches up to hold the handlebars above you. You are trapped in the slew of people and as such find yourself in the unfortunate position directly under his armpit. You gag at

the thought and then literally puke in your mouth when you see that he boasts massive drippy sweat stains. I know that some people have sweating problems but that does not make it any less disgusting for me to be near. Sorry.

7. Whiteheads in weird places.

I pity you if you get unsavory whitehead pimples. I do. It must be horrid. But Ewwww to the f-ing ewww do they make me sick. I want to pop the shit out of them. I make myself sick with the desire.

6. Close Talkers.

Back off people. If I can smell what you ate at lunch or feel the light mist of your spit, you are too close. I have great hearing, I can hear you at a comfortable and acceptable distance, I promise. Close talkers evoke such a nasty feeling in me. There is a reason for the term "personal space" Close talkers, you people have no respect.

5. People who want to show you their rash.

"Oh Jane, I have the most gnarly rash, look!!" Have you heard this phrase before? Everyone has at least one friend who wants to show off their medical problems. First of all, rashes, even on myself, make me bilious, on you they are intolerable. Second, those things are infectious. Why do you want to spread your disease? Did we learn nothing from the Black Plague? Keep your rash, your unidentifiable skin issues, your warts, and your cuts to yourself or risk losing a friend. I'm not a doctor an there is good reason for it.

4. Hot elevators

I once read this John Saul thriller when I was young and in it the characters are tortured by a mysterious evil being who seeks them out on their elevator ride and causes the elevator to plummet 23 floors, stooping short enough to shatter each bone in their bodies but not kill them. I fear this. I always think that if I could choose a way to die, falling would not be it... you could live and how incredibly painful would that be? I shudder. Anyways, so I fear the elevator and suspect many people share this fear as well as my rampant claustrophobia that only ever rears its ugly head in the confined space of an elevator. Plus there is the added horror of having to make idle chit chat with your elevator co-riders. I fear menial conversation as much as I do falling 23 stories. I don't care how nice the weather is for this time of year.

All of this plus stifling heat= throw up in my mouth, sometimes on the elevator carpet.

3. Change Rooms that have B.O.

There is no excuse in the world for the kind of B.O. that lingers for a whole day in the small confined space of a change room. How am I supposed to enjoy the process of trying on clothing when I can barely breath? How can I feel pretty surrounded by such an ugly stench? And what have you eaten to make it smell oh so bad?

If you or someone you know has the kind of body odor this offensive, there is help.

2. Damp Handles.

Now you already know my aversion to the public transportation system however even more gross than underarm sweat guy is the guy who leaves a damp handle. I try not to touch any of the shiny metal on the subway/bus. I know, I just know that it is filled with a million germs per inch and despite the recently installed hand sanitizer stations, I believe that people are dirty. I don't want your hepatitis or your swine flu thank you. Nor do I want your 3 year old's buggar fingers, your greasy hair which you just touched or your eye goo that you just rubbed. Unfortunately, sometimes a handle grab cannot be helped and even more unfortunately, sometimes the gloves I bring onto every subway ride, winter or not, are not accessible at the moment of the necessary handle grab. I already have t touch your seething germs but NOTHING is more disgusting then holding a hot, damp handle. You just know that in addition to the millions of bacteria you are touching you are also touching someone else's palm sweat.

1. Warm seats.

Again, usually found on the subway/bus (are you seeing a trend here?). Without a huge elaboration I simply ask if there is anything more unappealing and upchuck-worthy than having a seat, any seat, especially seats with some kind of fabric or padding, that is warm. Warm and moist. So gross. I barf.

Point: I guess it is suffice to say that I am a germaphobic, public transportation hating, detester of all mankind. But tell me dear reader WHAT THINGS MAKE YOU WANT TO BARF IN YOUR MOUTH- seriously, share it!!! We are all freaks at heart so don't be shy.