Spooooooooky Salem

Back in October my boyfriend and I decided to get away for a week after a long year. We debated somewhere hot, somewhere exotic and decided instead to take advantage of the gorgeous fall foliage and road trip. Luckily for us, we had the most fantastic road trip destination ever, a gorgeous cottage/home tucked away on Martha’s Vineyard, a pristine and beautiful island just off of Massachusetts. We both thought we would choose places to see and things to do but my only desire was Salem.

Now, I wont say that I feel like in a past life I could have been a witch, because, frankly, that’s just weird (even if I do, too weird to admit). But I will say that I have had a strong attraction to darker things and dark things mixed with political history is like a dream come true for me so Salem has been somewhere that I have been dying to see- a treasure of historical oppression and magic.

Was it especially amazing that it was right near Halloween and I had been reading about Salem’s month long Halloween festival? Absolutely- that part I left out in my pitch to my boyfriend who really didn’t see the lure of the National Witch Museum as worth going out of the way for.

Anyways, we set the course and planned on visiting Salem the evening before ferrying over to the vineyard.
We arrived in Salem around 2 and initially I was disappointed. I had really in my heart of hearts believed that the whole place would be Sephia colored. I imagined vultures and ravens watching you from rooftops and windows above stores boarded up with decaying wood so suffice to say that when we parked beside a Starbucks and Krispy Cream I was abruptly shaken from this gothic fantasy.

Delight filled my whole body as we paid for parking beside a man dressed as a vampire. This was more like it! I prayed that he was not in costume but rather that he was just out and about on a regular day with fangs and white face makeup…

Our first street led us to the witch museum and witch theatre. Not being one to tolerate lines, I made the swift decision to avoid them and not have an hour guided tour through witch dungeons. I wanted to really see the essence of Salem by walking its creepy streets and drinking magic potions, maybe even buying a broomstick…. Who knew….

What we saw was the antithesis of my imagined spooky world. Instead of deserted streets with lurking pedophile- looking men and old haggard women were hundreds of people and tons of booths and shops bustling with energy and selling neon witch hats and dollar-store charms. Gone were the mystics I imagined doing business with and in their place were fat men smoking cigarettes and leering at the kids in their stores, daring them to shoplift a magic wand.
This is not at ALL to say I didn't love what I saw, it was just more like haunted Disneyland and as we all know well, Disneyland can never be bad.

I walked around the streets like a kid at a fair, touching everything, staring at everyone with my boyfriend panic strikingly walking behind me hissing my ear to hold my purse tight and watch my ring (he had proposed to me 2 days prior and I now sported a gorgeous and expensive diamond on my hand). Apparently what I saw as my dream playground, he saw as a crowd infested orgy of shady looking people bent on pocket picking from the innocent visitors- who was right? No clue.

Everywhere we went people looked weird, like the vampire boy. I silently dreamt of living in a town where Halloween was everyday and felt envious of these people who felt at ease roaming the streets wrapped in sheets and blood.

Finally, I found the perfect shop. Tucked away on a shadier street and much less full of acne marked teenagers and toothless old people it seemed a true gem. I looked high and low for something to take home as a magical souvenir and just as I was about to settle on the love amulet, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a box called “Magical dripping candles”. The box looked old and was covered in cobwebs AND, who wouldn’t want magical candles- what could they do? I had to know! So for 10 dollars, I purchase a pack of 2 and as giddy as could be left the store to head back to the car.

Like the cherry on the sundae of my perfect haunted day our walk back was followed by a zombie parade!!! So, unfortunately, all the people I had seen all day dressed up were a part of the parade and not just local citizens expressing their propensity towards wizardry however, WOOHA!!! A zombie parade!!!

I realize that Salem did not plan on having me visit from 2-5 on that October day but being literally marched to our car by men coughing up fake blood and screaming about eating out brains while my boyfriend held my left hand with the grip of death, practically dragging me off the street really made it feel like the whole thing had been organized for my personal entertainment.

kudos to you Salem.

Point. Whether or not you spent some of your awkward teen years practicing witchcraft with your friends after watching one too many rounds of The Craft or not, Salem is a pretty cool place. If you spend your time wisely (not literally, skipping through the streets taking pictures with random people and trying on every witch hat in sight) you can really learn a lot about American politics, women in history and a mini horror story of persecution. I am sure that what the museum had to offer would have astounded me. You can stay in stunning old mansions (complete with your own ghost) and enjoy the cobblestone lined streets full of yummy looking restaurants.

In fact, I loved Salem so much that I was not even that distraught when weeks later in a gross variety store I found “Magic Dripping Candles” for 2.99, same box and all. The rip off was magical.

An unintentionally preachy post about Detox

The month of December was… how shall I put it… wildly gluttonous, for me. I had a total of 4 Christmas dinners (I don’t celebrate Christmas), a minimum of 3 dinners per week at some restaurant or another, and a total overload on Presidents Choice frozen pizzas and Kraft dinner. It was bad, real bad, and I remember one particular dinner while polishing off my own entire round of triple cream brie thinking that not too long ago I had been a normal, balanced eating, gym going person. I had a yoga schedule and gym friends and in mere weeks had transformed into a phyllo pastry, pasta, cheese and butter guzzling freak. To drown my sorrows and quell my anxiety about my body turning into a pound of lard I drank as much wine as one person could consume. Wine went with (and goes with) everything and to me, the more I drank, the more reasonable it seemed to eat everything and the kitchen sink.

Fast forward to January 2^nd- after spending my first day of January shoveling bacon into my face and nearly overdosing on rosti potatoes it was time to begin.

I made myself a commitment to detox from all the crap I had been putting in my body, from all the wine I had drank, from all the unnecessary sugars I has savored and from the caffeine I had abused to keep myself awake after meals that would put a sane woman into a coma.

So here was the plan *this “plan” was not something I made up for myself- this is an actual detox fitness plan developed by a recognized fitness center so don’t try this at home unless you consult a trusted and recognized person who can guide you through the process*

No Gluten- no bread, pasta, wheat, barley, rye. You are allowed to eat portioned servings of rice and quinoa (have you had quinoa dear reader? If not, do. Not only is it a super-food but it is also a full complete protein and has a really unique and tasty texture- you can use it the way you would pasta or rice-yum)

No Dairy- no cow anything (cheese, yogurt, milk etc…). you are allowed to eat goat milk products, again, in moderation.

My boyfriend is lactose intolerant and I have been warned off dairy to help my migraines anyways so we have spent our cheese loving relationship discovering delicious sheep and goat alternatives like traditional goat cheese, goat brie and out most favorite, chevre noir. Most cheese are made in a goat form now so they are relatively easy to find at your local supermarket.

No sugar- This one was tricky, sugar, as we discovered, is in EVERYTHING. Did you know there was sugar in Soy Sauce? Tomato Sauce? Maple syrup even! It was really hard to avoid this guy but we planned to do it by making everything fresh so we could control what went into it and minimizing our use of condiments and we bought Tamari Soy Sauce- gluten free (I LOVE Soy Sauce and could not bear living without it)

No alcohol- after my month, no problem

No Caffeine- this was to be my biggest challenge. I have had a rampant coffee addiction since I was about 12 years old. Not only am I completely reliant on caffeine as a drug, but I also LOVE LOVE LOVE the taste and aroma of coffee- to me, when I am not feeling well, coffee is my chicken soup (sans matzah ball, obviously).

So, how did it go you wonder?

Here is the general breakdown of the 2 week challenge.

Week one was spent fighting with my boyfriend, being perpetually hungry every minute of every day, existing with a permanent headache and thinking that I had the flu.

Week two was the complete reverse. I felt amazing, awake, energized and healthy. I woke up feeling refreshed and full of gusto. I avoided the 3pm crash and worked steadily and happily late every single day. I felt satisfied and full after every meal and instead of bickering because I was a cranky bitch- I spent more time with my boyfriend making food together and enjoying it at the table and not in front of the TV. (as a ps. He did the detox too and his experience was basically the same as mine)

It is now week 4 since starting the 2 week detox and while I admit to having a glass of Malbec over the weekend and a slice of pizza, my routine has not changed much from the detox. My eating habits have really stuck and I love it! My boyfriend and I have the best time cooking/ eating and I am still caffeine free less my morning green tea.

People often ask what we ate/ what we continue to eat and I have to say, without maneing to be preachy that your options are wonderful and endless. You can really eat So many delicious foods and the key to the longevity of this program is to allow yourself times to indulge in things like pizza and wine if you want them but to spend the majority of your eating time eating well. Everything we eat is fresh, healthy and full of vitamins and promotes a healthy lifestyle and digestive system.

So for breakfast, for example we eat either eggs and this AMAZING peameal bacon- (please remind me to post the package- it is fat free and 35 calories per slice and its real, unmodified bacon!!!) or goats yogurt/kefir and berries. After the strict 2 weeks we also incorporated steel cut oats with sugar free fruit spread and almond butter mixed in- that is a really good one if you want to feel really full and warm on a long winter day. Steel cut oats is not technically allowed as it does contain gluten but it is also considered ok because it contains a different and lesser type of gluten than wheat.

For lunch we usually bring salad and a protein like tofu, tuna or chicken.

Dinner is a protein and tons of veggies. For example, one night we make chicken meatballs stuffed with goat cheese and brussel sprouts with roasted potatoes. Delish right?

Point: I effing loved my detox.  It was such a great experience that I was truly initially dreading. I think it is a great way to force yourself to thin hard about the foods you eat and make smart decisions. I am a MEGA foodie and would never put myself on a “diet” that was restrictive- I would never make it but certainly, adopting a healthier and fresher everyday diet is only going to benefit me in the long run and probably make me feel far less guilty during my next holiday binge.

The anti-nightmare before Pho Hung

Dear Tim Burton, regarding your current Toronto exhibit brought over from MOMA, you are amazing.

When Mr. Burton drew the third highest audience to MOMA to view his exhibit ever, (up there with Picasso), you had to know that we are not just talking about a good artist- we are chronicling and examining a living gift and imaginative treasure to the world of art, cinema, fashion, architecture and oh-so much more.

Now I begin this by saying that I am a lifetime Tim Burton fan. Everything he does, I will watch and usually love. I grew up watching Beetlejuice almost every single day (and yes, I am sure that qualifies me as having some kind of OCD, I accept it, can we move on now?). I forever covet the roles played by the amazing Winona Ryder and Helena Bonham Carter as what I would imagine myself doing if I was a celebrity movie star and when Harpers Bazaar published a full fashion editorial spread back in 2009, I almost lost my mind- did he just go ahead and create images straight out of my imagination? Possible.

Anyways, I went to this exhibit and walked around for hours in awe. I read every tiny piece of information and savored every inch of his various works. I touched things that said "do not touch" and I feel no regret. The exhibit itself is over 700 works from Tim Burton over his extensive and magnificent career. Located at Toronto's new-ish TIFF lighbox it is truly a revelation and worth the money they charge to admit you.

Another very cool thing about this exhibit is the TIFF lightbox is also spending the duration of the exhibit, which runs until April 17th, screening Tim Burton movies and you can even catch a double feature that shows a movie that Tim Burton found inspiration from or liked coupled with the movie that he drew from the first to make. I was delighted and slightly smug to see my all time favorite movie, The Ghost and Ms. Muir coupled with Big Fish. We like the same movies Tim and I- no big deal.
He was a huge part of my inspiration to begin my sketchbook drawings (see my other post) and to just take some more time to really create.

Yet another amazing thing associated with this exhibit is the Exquisite Corpse. In the modernist movement, Andre Breton, often named the father of modernism would play a game with his peers which basically entailed them doing crazy psychedelic drugs and writing a story where each persona would contribute a line and pass the story around. In the end it would be some convoluted and totally nonsensical story with no coherence or cohesion. The name came from the first sentence of the first one of these games ever played, the exquisite corpse. The name has always really tickled me and so again, imagine my delight to see that as a link on Tim Burton's exhibit page there is a living exquisite corpse where his fans and followers can tweet sentences in about the character Stain Boy. Each day several sentences are chosen and these all combined will eventually become the most exquisite corpse.

My only criticism is that to me, I was dying to get inside his brain, like to REALLY REALLY get to know the genius behind the works but I found that there was nowhere to go above and beyond the verbiage attached to each piece. There were the double features with the inspiring and inspired movies together but I just wanted this kind of coupling for everything. I would have loved to understand how and when he first thought up Corpse Bride or Stain Boy- who are these creations and what they might mean to him at the time he created them then and now. In leaving the exhibit I felt a longing for more which is both indicative of a successful performance (always leave your audience wanting more) and of one that had so much more room to grow.

So dear reader, I beg you to please go visit a very cool spac in the city and a very cool exhibit. Especially if you have little knowledge about Time Burton you will be floored at how much he has done that you will know. Plus, ladies, the ORIGINAL Edward Scissorhand suit is there to see- Johnny Depp wore it, maybe naked underneath- just saying.

Point: It's just so awesome when you have the privilege of seeing true talent. We have so much of it to celebrate around us and this exhibit is just one of many that you can see and support. Really worth checking out.

Art House Co-op

One of the best things I did in 2010 was submit myself to the coolest art exhibit idea ever. Myself and over 23,000 people from all over spent 25 dollars and for that nominal fee were shipped a small brown papered sketchbook. The mission was to fill it using the assigned theme- you could choose from a list of themes or have one randomly selected for you. I chose and my title was "Down your street". For about 6 months I stared at the blank pages, as uninspired as I had been when trying to post a witty blog about some inane event and then, one magical day after a long and beautiful walk in the city, it came to me.
I have always loved dark art. A friend of mine owns the most fantastic painting of an old fashioned family portrait where all the people look like ghosts and have creepy almost transparent eyes. Back in August, I went on a painting binge trying to recreate a similar looking picture as a gift for my fiance for his birthday. I ended up with something really amazing and since then, in the back of my mind, I was looking for another way to create some darker images. So between my inspiring walk, my desire to express a more eerie picture than I usually do and visiting the Tim Burton exhibit (see next post)- I was ready.
So that being said PLEASE go checkout this very amazing website.

http://arthousecoop.com/users/jordanabeth

Located in Brooklyn New York, this company does tons of very unique and similar projects that are open to anyone for involvement.
I sent my book off in the mail last week and it will now tour through different galleries all over North America.
Click on the link to go check out what I am talking about...

Here are some of my personal favorites that I submitted...

So each one I made into a little poem to rhyme with down your street...

Down your street a man bleeding from his eyes becomes obsolete...

Down your street little ghost children want something to eat...

Down your street a pretty girl enjoys a sweet...

Down your street skeleton boy dangles his feet...

More on my page

http://arthousecoop.com/users/jordanabeth

A letter of Welcome and Apology

Dear reader,

If you are here right now, it is for one of 2 reasons- either, you a true dedicated follower who is eagerly awaiting a new post sweating with anticipation at what I might rant about today or you have just gotten my resume and followed my "Additional Interests" section to this page. Either way, allow me to welcome you into my my world and apologize for the lack of posts in 2010.
I have no good excuse really for my absence on this blog. In my head I justified it as that I was now working at an office, spending majority of my time there and just could not ever bring myself to rant about work. A- I love work and B- I can think of nothing more wildly inappropriate than sharing with the world the ups and down of your professional life.
I was at a true loss of things to talk about- a writers block if you will. I thought that discussing my commute was too obvious, my engagement and wedding planning too personal, and my general thought and feelings on being another year older and wiser just plain boring. I thought about shutting up Jane Plantain forever but then it dawned on me that I write this blog for me.
So with that all behind us, I invite you to explore my older work which I think you will enjoy and revel in the new work that has been a year in the making.

Point: Jane is back. Hope you missed me.