Monday, September 30, 2013

Jane Rants and Eats- Apples or not.

Happy Monday Readers,

Did you have a nice weekend? I did. It was the perfect weather for a weekend, don’t you think? Hot enough to be outside and enjoy the sun, cool enough to do so without dripping sweat from your back (or having to walk behind people with back sweat which is like, one of my biggest pet peeves ever.)

My husband and I are like, obsessed with the Fall- ok, I just am, he likes it, I live for it. I basically want to spend all of my time doing fall related activities. I want to swim in a sea of cider, frolic in changing leaves and snuggle into warm cotton sweaters. Sure I hate pumpkin flavored things and wool, but I don’t think that makes me the anti-Fall.

This Sunday, we had plans. Big plans. Apple picking kind of plans followed by 17 downloaded recipes on how to make everything in the world with apples including but limited to apple bourbon (that’s grown up apple cooking). We also had plans to hang with some friends and their daughter while apple picking. If I can bring a kid with me to a farm, it is way better for me. as I have mentioned before in posts, there is just something weird about playing on the jungle gym as a 31 year old with no kid- like going to Chuckie Cheese, but a little less creepy. With a kid, I can be free to pet the farm animals, play on the swings, enjoy the hay maze- it is a smorgasbord of fun without any hint of me being a super weird creep show.

In the AM, our friends, their kid and my dreams of feeding the goats left without us which brings me to my first point of today- why do people with kids not want to hang out with us? I honestly find it weird that my friends and people I know with kids don’t want to hang out with us- like, what? Am I getting fucked up before my trip to the apple farm? Will I not get to bring a flask of rum and coke to drink if your kid is there? Would I EVER do that anyways? All I can tell you is that the few parents we know that have encouraged a relationship between myself and their kid will reap the benefits one day when I am a parent. You know I’m going to throw the best birthday parties ever.

But hey, we are nothing if not excitable and resourceful so with apples in mind we decided to go picking anyways. The farm, like most, was 45 minutes outside of Toronto. Apple farms are basically the only time ever in my life that I wish I lived up North. It would be awesome if they took 10 minutes to get to but I guess for the one time per year I go I would basically be giving up everything I love about my life- ok, I take it back....

So we do the drive because not only are we hankering for apples, but my sister in law and nephews are also coming to this orchard so we are excited at the idea of apple picking and getting to hang with our family! This makes the drive up easy. We arrive at 1015. Obviously the orchard doesn’t take visa because it is not Chudleighs and is just like, one poor girl sitting there looking at us like we are complete morons for even suggesting that they would have some wireless payment contraption in the middle of a fucking field. She tells us we can go to the store, buy something and do cash back. Ok

So this farm is actually HUGE and much to my delight, is full of the coolest activities that I can actually do once my nephew is there- a train, a zip line, a maze- I was beyond excited at the possibilities.

It took us a while to get to their store which sold the following; pie. Considering I ate a full tub of butter last week on the vineyard, a pie was like, the last possible thing I wanted to purchase- I found pickles on a shelf and even though they were 8 fucking dollars for a small jar of pickles, I figured it was worth the extra calories to save myself the pie. 8 dollars and pickles to get some money to pick some apples. By now it was 10:45.

Back to the orchard, we get a bag for apples and make our way to the “orchard”. Now, I use quotation marks because to me, an orchard is a vast expanse filled with ruby red apples glistening on the tree tops. This was 9 rows of 10 trees with maybe 1 apple per tree rotting on the top branch. How on earth can you fill a bag with no apples. It is now 11. We shamefully refund our money and sulk over to the parking lot. At this point we have to head back to the city on 45 minutes, there are no apples, we don’t want pie and there is nothing else that 2 grown ups can do in this whole place that wont make people think we are pedophiles.

By then I had to pee- obviously, porta potty options only.
We left at 11:30 as our fam arrived for their day of fun.

Here’s a little tidbit of advice- if you want to go apple picking, don’t go to a farm that doesn’t have apples. If you want to be able to play in farms, find friends who like when you hang out with them and their kids and if you only have a 2 hour window, don’t bother driving up north.

Thankfully, the rest of the weekend was amazing making up for this super Sunday AM bust.

Happy Fall frolicking.
J

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Jane Travels- Martha's Vineyard

Hi readers,

While I wish I was still on the vacation that I just returned home from, I am happy to be back, sharing with you some musings from my favorite place on earth, the Vineyard. If Bahamas and Halifax had sex and produced a love child, it would be Martha’s vineyard. Part Caribbean island living, part east coast hospitality with just enough Americana to remind you that you are neither in the Caribbean or Canada, MV is a totally cray vaca.

Sorry, to clarify, when I say cray, I don’t mean that we were acting cray- if there is a nightlife on the island after the summer months, I have yet to see it- also, we don’t leave our home away from home- but I digress.

MV is like the Hamptons of Boston- everything on the island is amazing, expensive and well manicured and during the summer it is bumpin with senators and vacationers alike. In fact, only 50-90,000 people reside on the island full time/ from coast to coast it is a 45 minute drive and the beaches that surround it all, like everything else, are fucking amazing.

A quick island tour;

The main ferry port takes you to Vineyard Haven. Name. accurate. Or better yet, Vineyard heaven. Here is the only main “chain” grocery store and a bevy of shops and little homeware places, a gallery owned by Carly Simon’s brother, a bazillion boutiques that put Anthropology to shame, a store that had the best balsamic vinegar I have ever had- seriously, I was drinking this shit in a cup. Moving East, you get to Oaks Bluffs. So, in MV, a lot of the areas are “dry” meaning that there is no booze to be found. Oak Bluffs, by contrast is wet making it A. somewhere we went often and B. more touristy. OB boasts North Americas oldest carousel, a lot of shops that sell Jaws stuff (Jaws was primarily shot in MV making MV Amnity Island, in essence) and some really beautiful old houses. Moving South East you get to Edgartown, the yuppie area of the Vineyard. You can tell. The houses here vary only in being either Classic American or Dutch mansions. Seriously, I would live in some of these houses garages and be happy. Majority of residents here curiously drive Mini Coopers. This is a true white, Waspy area. The stores are boutiquey and it is bustling with tourists. Oh, and you  can buy booze here too and unlike the booze store in OB, this one doesn't not smell like cat vomit. From Etown, you can take a 2 second ferry over to Chappaquiddick aka where Kennedy killed a hooker. If you make your way now West across State road you will pass all these yummy bakeries, restaurants, places to buy Alpaca wool, farms, and artisan galleries until you reach Chilmark. This was our home for the week. Chilmark is... Well... Chill. It is way more cottagey and rustic and gorgeous plus, the Gylenhalls live there. Enough said. Further West and North is Aqquina home to the Gay Head cliffs- we did a lot of Gay head on that trip. Stop it. You are immature.
Finally circling back toward vineyard haven from the other side is Menemsha.

That’s the island, in summation.
Now here is what we did on it.

Eat a boatload of seafood- pun intended.
Seafood that actually has come right out of the water and is in your pan a few hours later cannot be matched. You can actually taste the sea-ness of it all which, if you like seafood is a good thing- if you don’t I guess it would be like, the grossest thing you could ever eat. The specialties on the island are full fat and friggin amazeballs. Lobster rolls- oh hi totally fresh, just peeled lobster mixed with green onion and mayo on a buttery hot roll, I will eat the shit out of you. Clam Chowder- oh hi delicious cream soup with chunks of fresh clams and potatoes, yup, I will eat you too. Lobster bisque- oh, oh hey same as clam chowder but red and filled with lobster chunks, you can hop into my belly too. Those coupled with daily fresh oysters, shrimp, scallops, fish and squid made up the 99 percent of what I ate. Sure, I gained 5 pounds easily in 5 days. It was worth it.

Walked around the gorgeous natural scenery.
Every inch of this island is pretty. Like you can be walking by a ditch lined with porta potties on route to the beach, and it is pretty. We walked the beach, the Gay Head cliffs, all the towns, 2 arboretums, a farmers market and biked through E-town and Chappy.

Drink wine and laugh a LOT.
My husband and I have been to the vineyard alone before back when we got engaged and it was wicked, as was the day we had before our friends arrived from NYC to spend the weekend with us in MV. I love alone time with him- it is romantic and nice and a great way to just be together- but time with our besties in the best place on earth is priceless. I laughed for 3 days straight. We drank enough wine that I could go wine free for a few months, and talked so much that I am all out of what to say now.

Unplugged- more on this to come but this was one of the highlights.

Swam in the ocean.
Heck ya it was warm enough to swim. The water was cold but the sun was shining and there is nothing as splendid as savoring those last moments of summer in late September in the ocean.

Overall, this was actually one of the best vacations of my life. It didn’t have to be super exotic or action packed or even hot and beachy all the time which goes to show that great company is really the spice of life.

Cheers to the end of the summer and to a new annual tradition of saying goodbye to summer in MV. YOMVO (if you aren't lucky)

Xo,
J