Holla back girl

I am not such a phone person and in fact, there are few people who I will humor with long conversations via telephone- if you want to have a long chat, I would rather see you- or never see you- you know what I mean?

I hate the phone for several reasons;

First, although you are not doing anything, you cant do anything. Last night I received a phone call while writing my thank you cards and I could not continue with this mundane task (how many different words are there to express gratitude- even a self proclaimed writer feels the struggle in this one....)- so you have to just sit there and doodle or something mindless while you listen to this voice on this box put up to your ear.

Second, it is rude to pee, even ruder to number 2, and rude to eat ion the phone so while doing nothing, you also have to starve and incur bladder infections. Mmmmm-k.

Third, are we friends?
Do you live in another city/town/country? No, you don't? Then why should I have to catch up with you like a robot. I have tons of friends who I do check in withs via the phone just to say hi, to say that everything is ok, to make a plan to see each other to actually catch up- call me to catch up- you suck.

But these qualms don't even begin to sum up my hatred for the phone-

I hate wrong numbers or people who call and ask who they are speaking to (um, really?).

I hate dial tones and ringtones and ringbacks.

I hate voicemail. I hate when people ask me if I listened to their voicemail- no, I didn't- I can't opt out of having it but along with it comes call display so trust, I know if you called.

I hate obligatory phone calls, I hate random calls that you answer and then wish you hadn't.

And, above all, I fucking hate call-blocking.

Who invented call blocking? For sure a psycho stalker right?

I got a blocked call the other day and of course answered it out of sheer curiosity- it was a service that has been trying to get my business and has been calling me nonstop all week.

So, now, I digress slightly to say that my number one most hated phone thing is the multi call- if I don't answer my phone, I am not available- I may be screening, I may be busy, either way, I am not there. If we know each other, I will see you called and call you back when I can, if we don't know each other, leave a message and I will also call you back when I can- unless someone is dying or going into labour- don't just fucking call me incessantly- I won't answer on principle and I will deem you mega hyper annoying.

And then, if you dare to stalk me- don't you DARE block call me to try and get me on the phone after I very obviously did not return your call. Now you are blacklisted.

So there you go.

- Oh, and all this being said, when I get no phone calls, I cry- there is just no pleasing me so don't be afraid to dial my digits...
xo