Happy wife happy life

I am simply put- not cut out to be a housewife.
Here's why;

First, as you may or may not know- I can't clean for shit. I can iron, I can do laundry and my skills end there. Washing dishes- only if you want to eat off dishes with old semi caked on food. Get my drift?
I also reject ideas about cleaning such as wiping your plate off before putting it into the dishwasher.

Ok, Dish-Washer- by name, would suggest that it does that job for you- not that you have to do it and then it will do it again. It is like when my husband asks me to clean the house before the cleaning lady- again- would name alone not suggest that the cleaning would NOT be my job?

One would think- but isn't that just our funny English language...

Anywho- cannot clean- first problem

So, yesterday, trying hard to take my wife duties seriously, I got home and spent the next 2 hours preparing a wholesome, full meal so that my hubby would have something delicious to come home to. He went to play dodgeball. How can I even try to be the cook I could be when I have such bad scheduling issues?

I am doomed to a life of every-time-I-bother-cooking-my-family-wont-be-home. Like Polkaroo- "oh Shit hunny, I made dinner, and you missed it again"

Soon enough (next time), I am just going to pretend I cooked a feast and then shovel KD into my pie hole while watching Slice TV. It will be like "Oh, you are working late? Well shoot, I made this wicked rack of lamb- guess I will just eat it all"- I can mess up a plate or two to make it seem like there was a rack of lamb once on it- right? right? that seems totally viable right?

Finally, heaven help me that I should have to fill my days with nonsense. Aside from loving my job, it gives me some purpose, something to make sure my days are functional, meaningful, and full.
Here is what happens on my days off:
I wake up at 8am- as I promised myself the night before I would- then I think to myself, self, why are you up so damn early- go back to bed
then I wake up at around 11am and feel like shit for having overslept
Then I eat breakfast and continue to eat my morning away.
Then I run and errand or 2 or go to an appointment
Then I come home and kill 2 hours
Then it is dinnertime and I go back to "cooking" dinner

How on earth could one do that everyday?
And I don't even have friends to enjoy the days with since all of my girls are smart, self sufficient working women who would prefer nothing else than to stay that way.
I think it helps to be surrounded by people who view staying at home as akin to torture. Go getting women- hear us roar

roar

My final reason against being a housewife- I love sweatpants. Like, I seriously love them. I am almost 30 and will still wear them in public with no personal shame- not withstanding the shame felt by those with me when I wear them.

Can you imagine the gross human being I would turn into if I could wear sweats all the time?

It would be bad. real bad.

Want to be a housewife- fuck, all the power to you- that is what feminism and all that shit is about.
not.for.this.plantain.

holla