Dear dick...

To the stupid dick driving in his old ass Sebring this morning on Mount Pleasant heading south around 8:30am. You know what? Fuck you.

I have a serious bone to pick with you, driver of crappy car, and others like you who may drive better or worse cars but still mirror your horrible driving/ life skills.

Here goes.

I am very sure that you are indeed, the most important person in the whole world. Sure of it. I know that without you being wherever you had to be in such a rush, the world could have potentially imploded and life as we know it would have ceased to exist. Perhaps your old shit car was a disguise, a ruse you play on regular humanity to convince them that you do not in fact do god work and you are not in fact master of the universe. You wouldn’t want everyone to know how very very important you are or else they would know how to find you. Yes, the car must be a disguise for your otherwise super-hero like life.

That is it right? Because I cant think of any other normal reason to drive like such a stupid shit unless the very balance of all life is hanging in your Sebring steering wheel gripping hands.

So tell me, Batman of  Toronto, am I right? This AM at 8:30 were we regular people blissfully unaware of the impending doom that threatened everything we know?

What's that? No? You are just a regular shmuck in your shit car trying to weave your way to freedom from traffic that just doesn't exist here in rush hour in the heart of the city?

Well, let me tell you something about that. First of all, it is really f-ing dangerous. You were cutting people off, hiding in blind spots and speeding like a demon down a normal street in the to-work commute. You drove like that right past 2 schools for children. What on earth could you have been thinking?

Not only to you outrage everyone around you, but you put the general public in danger when you behave like an animal the way you did.

People who do this kind of crap on the road are one of my top peeves. Don’t you have any self respect? How can you in good faith, put yourself in so much danger. You are not alone on the roads and even if you trust yourself to drive like a chimpanzee, how can you trust that everyone around you will react and drive accordingly? You are an accident waiting to happen and there are far too  many of you out there for my personal liking.

Also, you made my husband upset and if we had even so much as run a curb because he was slightly agitated, that would have been your fault. Can you bear that weight?

Moreover, are you willing to bear the weight of causing a fucking accident?

Anyways, you are a dick and much like other people who irk me in life, I wish you unpleasant diarrhea.

Take heed jerkstore. Next time I may offer you more than a middle finger.

(unless in fact you are secret Batman hiding in disguise with a Sebring- in that case, you save that world mofo.)

Thank you,
Jane.