Bless You

So, as flu season inches closer- or is it here? I never know... I find myself increasingly perturbed by the freaks on the subway, in the office and in life who seem like virus carrying germ infested orbs just waiting to release their mass destruction onto my precious body.

Do you know how many people do grossly unhygenic things around me? And forget the usual not washing hands after bathroom nonsense- no, I am talking full out pick your nose and touch a door handle or cough withour even trying to cover your mouth.

I may be ulta paranoid but gross is gross people.

So, imagine my utter disgust when yesterday, aboard the SuperSubway (and PS. Fuck you SuperSubway. You are a terrible subway that somehow causes people to behave even worse than usual) I encountered the biggest perp of them all.

So we are all crammed in like cattle to slaughter- actually, totally crammed, not able to move an inch around you with some fat bitch screaming for everyone to pack in a little tighter so she can get in- or you can stop yelling at everyone and just fucking wait for the next car like a normal human being- either or.

Anyways, I am lodged between a woman who is making idle chatter and a bald hairy man who is housing my face in his armpit- unable to move or even breath for fear that I wont have the room to properly expand my lungs and dude sneezes, without covering his mouth, onto my face.

Now, I have seen my fair share of gross crap- this, the grossest. and so........

Dear sir,
Thank you so very much for sneezing on my face aboard the 5:15 Northbound ride home on the subway. You may not remember me as I spent the majority of the trip in your armpit (which was a welcome refuge from your fucking sneeze but otherwise a less than pleasant place to reside for my 10 minute commute).
Perhaps you have never heard of the way colds and diseases spread but I would say that other than you french kissing me right there and then, you basically did the next best thing to transmit your cold. Why would you do that? Do you watch TV sir? Don't you know the flu commercials? Moreover, you went to school for at least a bit right? Did you never learn to cover your nose and mouth?
In case you are the very unique and special case who happened to not receive an education or have a parent or elder person to help you out with basic human interactions- don't sneeze on people. It is beyond disgusting.
If I get a cold I will directly blame you and curse you in my head. will you ever feel effect of said cursing- maybe, if I am indeed part witch as I have sometimes suspected- more likely, no- but if I ever see you again, I horking into your mouth.

The End.