More-Cheese.

Yesterday, to my dismay, I lunged down to hard and fast and bruised the balls of my foot. (ha, I said balls). Seems that I always injure myself in this one specific gym class- dear universe, thanks for the message. 

Anyways, I say to my dismay because the last few days have been so nice and I would have loved to walk home yesterday afternoon from work. Instead, I got caught with The Cheese Man.

NEVER in life, have I smelled a person who reeked so badly. EVER.

This morning was garbage day in my hood and the smell of 2 week old, heated, rotting garbage juice smelled better to me than this guy. What must you do to smell so fucking bad I wonder?

I couldn't breath through my nose for fear of barfing- and the idea of breathing through my mouth and "tasting" that air made me want to barf too- just another time that I wish I had a non-breathing superpower.

And the guy looked normal enough despite wearing a full Modrobes outfit- pants and shirt combi- and as a side, where do they even make Modrobes anymore? Perhaps that his clothing was potentially 10 years old was the catalyst? 

But seriously, what do you have to do to smell like this guy. Maybe he bathes in garbage? But then again, I have worked in a soup kitchen and even the homeless men smell better- this was be-yond. 

So, as a general note to people, you should shower. If you sweat- you should shower more. Never should your abundant BO be so offensive that your co-subway riders actually lock eyes and nod in agreement about how fucking bad you smell the second you get off the subway and relieve our noses- because that happened, cheese man- we seriously all bonded over your stench.

Anyways- Dear Cheese Man, regarding your smell, gross. just gross.

So of course, having forgotten about him by this morning, I was actually happy to be subway bound again as I ran into a friend on my way down to the platform and had some company!

Short lived people, short lived.

Hey stupid bitch in cheap ugo shoes. When you literally smash your heel into my bare sandaled feet- would be kind of, sort of nice to say....sorry???

But that's ok, really, I was dying to have a swollen, cut and red foot. Not enough that I hurt myself 

yesterday- so good that you did that.

Look, you want to hobble around in your stupid patent pumps on the subway-fine, then hold the fucking poles and balance yourself so that you don't clobber people with your stupidity and shoes.

AND, moreover, if you do find yourself harming those around you- actually bothering to turn around and apologize would be prudent. It would make me wish, much less, that you would not break a heel of your shoe in a gutter- not much, but more.

And so again, Dear bitch, learn how to stand in your own ugly shoes or, do us all a favor and stop wearing them,

Sincerely, the world,

Can't wait to see what this afternoon will bring.....