Alright people,
This morning, having spent some time stumbling upon various "blogging pages", I have decided to come up with my very own pitch for you to follow me. 13 of you already do. You are my 13 favorite people. The rest of you have this opportunity to redeem yourself and make it off my shit list.
Your reasons to follow me might seem few and far between now, but rest assured that you are wrong.
Here is why:
Reason the First:
I will make you laugh. Really, I will. I promise you that you will read about the fat ass bitch on the subway who smothered me in her arm flab or the elderly man who breathed as hard as a regular at Pancers eating a corned beef deluxe sandwich who, not-so-subtily dry humped my back- and you will relate. Doesn't everyone have people and situations that totally put them off- I write about mine and there is humor in the relatable.
Reason the Second:
Don't you want the potential of having a famous blogging friend? Is being famous for nothing that unattainable? I think that the entire cast of Jersey Shore (see next blog) would agree with me when I say no- it really isn't in fact, it is easier than you think. I could be that next great thing and you could have said you followed me from the beginning. Wouldn't you feel like a mega ass if you found out that I hit the jackpot and you were not around to give your e-seal of approval? My 13 followers will relish in the fame and fortune and you my non-believers, will be SOL and I guarantee you will miss out*
*not actually guaranteed.
Reason the Third:
Don't friends support one another? I have a bullshit number of friends on facebook- bullshit in that I think it is pretty safe to say that I don't socialize or speak or even see over 100 people let alone whatever number of them are on my facebook- BUT you can all serve your purpose now and support me whether I am your friend or "friend"- I always look at other peoples stupid shit, blogs, art, music, movies- so look at my stupid shit- often.
Reason the Fourth:
Desperation is kind of pathetic don't you think? Don't make me into "that girl" always seeking acceptance and attention. Unlike Gossip Girl, you don't have to include me in your upper class circles a la Lonely Boy, just have to hit the "follow me" button. Seems painless and much more painless than watching me plead, nay beg for your attentions.
Reason the Fifth:
The blog I read about how to be a successful blogger said to write a blog about why you would like to be followed. Of course, his suggestion was to use extremely clear and eloquent language in a short pitch- that was obviously not happening- but I am doing the gist of it and, as he said to do, reaching out and reminding my readers that you can and should follow everything I say as if I was your ruler (he didn't say that at all).
So, for the last time* please, hit follow up top of my blog.
*Pending success of "Project Follow Me"
holla.
http://youtu.be/A3cfGzuICzA
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