Dear Nudella

Every morning at around 9:15 my whole office gathers at the window of our west facing building and eagerly awaits the show that we all know will come.

Across the street there is a brand new condo building- I hate that building and think it is a major eye sore- mind you, the surrounding buildings with their dilapidated stone- and not in a retro or kitschy way- are not that much better.

So amid talks of “how was your nights” everyone casually keeps sneaking glances at the left corner apartment eye level to our window.

You might think that their attention would be focused on the unit whose windows are covered in tin foil a few levels down (are you attempting to block the ufos from accessing your secret homemade time machine?), the man who constantly parades around in neon underwear and scratches his crotch incessantly (and yes, we are close enough to see this all), or the unit to the right that has a bed in it that has been turned upside down.

The upside down bed one always really trips me out- who lives here? The anti- gravity man? Are you telling me that in the ugliest building in the general vicinity of where I am lives a man who just defies the laws of nature?

All of these rooms pale in comparison to our star show- Nudella, as we fondly have named her, has no window coverings.

She wakes up at around 9ish and proceeds to get up and get ready for whatever job she has that lets her sleep until 9am. This is her routine: wake up- wander around her very small apartment, give a morning stretch, head to the kitchen, maybe for a glass of water or something, shower, back to the kitchen for breakfast, to her bedroom to spend 30 minutes trying on clothes, mirror time, off to work.

Riveting no? You may be thinking to yourself that I am infinitely dull. That if I find some vain girl’s basic morning routine to be that interesting, I must be the most boring person in the whole world… you are wrong.

Nudella got her name because she does everything totally naked and if I can see the print of the neon boxers on the crotch scratching man, you can only imagine what Nudella reveals to us on a daily basis.

Thankfully, Nudella is hot.

The best part of her routine is the trying on of the clothes. This girl has a bra for every outfit she puts on so that every time the top changes so does the bra, much to the delight of the men in my department- and the women, who am I kidding…

I think of Nudella as a constant reminder to keep my blinds closed.

Nudella, if you are reading this- and you will be identified as living in a building that looks like lego and a fondness for nudity- I’m not sure whether to tell you to please put up blinds- or not. But I will say thank you for making my morning coffee so enjoyable.