If you are reading this for the title- you are gross.
Like, mega gross.
Like Stop-reading-my-blog-you-fucking-pervert-blog.
Ok, so in my 20's I went through this new phase where I actually became friends with my parents- like suddenly they were no longer only on this earth to yield to my every whim and were actual people who had thought and feelings that went outside the realm of me. It took some getting used to, thats for sure, but overall they became my best friends (stop barfing) and things changed.
Casual swearing became acceptable, as did frank shit talking, but in the midst of all these new developments, one thing remained the same- I still just cannot watch movies that have sex scenes in them with my parents comfortably.
ever.
Even the insinuation of sex makes me pretty uncomfortable around them.
This is not uncommon right? I mean most people i speak to share this inability to watch 2 people going at it while sitting on the couch sharing popcorn with mom and dad- because it is weird.
but why? obviously I am not the one having the sex, and we all know about sex at this point- right?
Anyways- one of life's mysteries to ponder over your weekend.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Yum Tum in my Tum
So this morning I realized that it is October this week. Dear time, please slow down- I am so incredibly overwhelmed in the best way possible by the constant passing of minutes, days weeks, months...eeeeeeeeeeee.
So people, what you should be doing today is getting your grubby hands on a ticket to the Toronto Underground Food Festival- because I went on Saturday night and had Super.Food.Orgasm.
Here’s the lowdown, This past Saturday was the first of hopefully many events to come. You pay 5 bucks at the door (but you MUST pre-order tickets as they sell out fast) and then are treated to a bevy of booths boasting foods that will blow your mind. The foods themselves are about 2-5 dollars per plate and there were 4 custom craft breweries and 1 Vineyard represented- I can only imagine the roster will grow with the event itself.
The event is at the Brickworks- Holy crap have I rekindled my love for that spot- the other weekend I did that mega hike over to it and wandered around it a bit and then got to be there Saturday night. It is a seriously cool venue- there are so many relics and preserved areas of the grounds.
Anyways- let’s get to the food because you should all know what I ate.
So, we began with a trio of vegetarian rice- one was a spicy eggplant, one was a lemon lime rice and one was a coriander rice. To say this was the highlight of the night would be untrue but it was ok- maybe took a spot that pork could have filled but cest la vie.
Next we got into an inordinately long line for what promised to be grilled cheese. When we finally got to the counter, it turned out that you could get some kind of sandwich, a tamale and a ticket for a grilled cheese which you had to stand in another long line for. We got all 3 and took our food to the next line to wait and eat.
Sandwich- pulled meat with coleslaw on a Portuguese pastry bun. This was fucking good.
Tamale- made with chocolate- tasted like Chalva. Don’t know what Chalva is? Consider yourself lucky.
In the middle of our line we ran into friends who were also at the event and they were kind enough to bring us Chorizo tacos in line. Hel-a-good.
The Grilled cheese was a Cornbread grilled cheese with ample cheddar smothered in guac, sour cream and cilantro- this dish received mixed reviews among my friends- some of whom really didn’t enjoy- I thought it was amazeballs.the sweet bread with the tangy cheese and the toppings- a full mouth experience.
Next up was the dumplings. Like a dim sum esque dumpling stuffed with bacon and an egg- American fusion maybe- dare I make that assertion?
I know this is going to sound stupid but the yolk was like heaven- I think cooking an egg is an art form- to make the yolk of perfect consistency is a big deal- too runny is gross, too cooked missed the mark but a perfect egg is like yellow delish. This yolk had some texture but also ran into your mouth and contrasted with the bacon (um, always there should be bacon in shit) and the fried dumpling- So good.
THEN, we had a pork belly sandwich called the Auld Spot- pork anything is fine by me any time, any day.
At that point, despite encouraging from my co-eater, I had to tap out- I literally looked pregnant and my belly was a firm solid. But, by that time there were no lines and the venue had cleared substantially- although some fares were sold out at this point, we both noted that if we came again (which I would have loved to in 2011 but alas the next 2 dates- October 22 and November 19th are already occupied for me)we would come later.
So run, don’t walk tot he following website http://yumtum.ca/ and get your tickets before they sell out- your tastebuds will thank you- for reals.
So people, what you should be doing today is getting your grubby hands on a ticket to the Toronto Underground Food Festival- because I went on Saturday night and had Super.Food.Orgasm.
Here’s the lowdown, This past Saturday was the first of hopefully many events to come. You pay 5 bucks at the door (but you MUST pre-order tickets as they sell out fast) and then are treated to a bevy of booths boasting foods that will blow your mind. The foods themselves are about 2-5 dollars per plate and there were 4 custom craft breweries and 1 Vineyard represented- I can only imagine the roster will grow with the event itself.
The event is at the Brickworks- Holy crap have I rekindled my love for that spot- the other weekend I did that mega hike over to it and wandered around it a bit and then got to be there Saturday night. It is a seriously cool venue- there are so many relics and preserved areas of the grounds.
Anyways- let’s get to the food because you should all know what I ate.
So, we began with a trio of vegetarian rice- one was a spicy eggplant, one was a lemon lime rice and one was a coriander rice. To say this was the highlight of the night would be untrue but it was ok- maybe took a spot that pork could have filled but cest la vie.
Next we got into an inordinately long line for what promised to be grilled cheese. When we finally got to the counter, it turned out that you could get some kind of sandwich, a tamale and a ticket for a grilled cheese which you had to stand in another long line for. We got all 3 and took our food to the next line to wait and eat.
Sandwich- pulled meat with coleslaw on a Portuguese pastry bun. This was fucking good.
Tamale- made with chocolate- tasted like Chalva. Don’t know what Chalva is? Consider yourself lucky.
In the middle of our line we ran into friends who were also at the event and they were kind enough to bring us Chorizo tacos in line. Hel-a-good.
The Grilled cheese was a Cornbread grilled cheese with ample cheddar smothered in guac, sour cream and cilantro- this dish received mixed reviews among my friends- some of whom really didn’t enjoy- I thought it was amazeballs.the sweet bread with the tangy cheese and the toppings- a full mouth experience.
Next up was the dumplings. Like a dim sum esque dumpling stuffed with bacon and an egg- American fusion maybe- dare I make that assertion?
I know this is going to sound stupid but the yolk was like heaven- I think cooking an egg is an art form- to make the yolk of perfect consistency is a big deal- too runny is gross, too cooked missed the mark but a perfect egg is like yellow delish. This yolk had some texture but also ran into your mouth and contrasted with the bacon (um, always there should be bacon in shit) and the fried dumpling- So good.
THEN, we had a pork belly sandwich called the Auld Spot- pork anything is fine by me any time, any day.
At that point, despite encouraging from my co-eater, I had to tap out- I literally looked pregnant and my belly was a firm solid. But, by that time there were no lines and the venue had cleared substantially- although some fares were sold out at this point, we both noted that if we came again (which I would have loved to in 2011 but alas the next 2 dates- October 22 and November 19th are already occupied for me)we would come later.
So run, don’t walk tot he following website http://yumtum.ca/ and get your tickets before they sell out- your tastebuds will thank you- for reals.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Quick Question
I wonder how many people have gotten into crazy car accidents because they found a spider crawling on the inside of their car.
This is what I was thinking last night as I drove home in the dark along Mt. Pleasant with a spider crawling right over my head in my car.
I am totally not scared of spiders. Sure, if there was a tarantula lying in my bed, I may feel differently but for the most part- unless they are huge and black and ooze green when you crunch them to death- the regular house spider doesn't faze me.
Maybe it was Charlotte's web all those years back that created this soft spot for them- but I always feel like they are my creepy crawly helping friends and my "need" to kill them is solely dependant on the lack of any other options.
But, nonetheless, there is just something unsavory about having them in your car- and especially on your roof- they could just drop into your hair, your shirt- ug that is such a gross idea- I am now itchy- must pause.
Ok, back. Anyways- so even if you, like me, are not terrified by spiders, how can you not watch where they crawl to in your car- and if you are watching the spider, you sure are not watching the road- right?
When I saw the little dude last night my initial reaction was to pull over- except that I was driving on the farthest lane from the side- did I even think to look and see that I would not be merging into other cars? Oh no- I just went for it not taking my eyes of Spidey for a second- i killed him with a CD case (thank god i still keep old technology handy) and went about my merry way when I realized how reckless i had just been.
So, if this was my reaction and I don't hate spiders, I can only imagine the panic of someone who does. Hands off the wheel, cursing up a storm and shrieking like a manic panic-mode.
Solution: Spiders, stay the fuck out of the car- you don't even have a license.
This is what I was thinking last night as I drove home in the dark along Mt. Pleasant with a spider crawling right over my head in my car.
I am totally not scared of spiders. Sure, if there was a tarantula lying in my bed, I may feel differently but for the most part- unless they are huge and black and ooze green when you crunch them to death- the regular house spider doesn't faze me.
Maybe it was Charlotte's web all those years back that created this soft spot for them- but I always feel like they are my creepy crawly helping friends and my "need" to kill them is solely dependant on the lack of any other options.
But, nonetheless, there is just something unsavory about having them in your car- and especially on your roof- they could just drop into your hair, your shirt- ug that is such a gross idea- I am now itchy- must pause.
Ok, back. Anyways- so even if you, like me, are not terrified by spiders, how can you not watch where they crawl to in your car- and if you are watching the spider, you sure are not watching the road- right?
When I saw the little dude last night my initial reaction was to pull over- except that I was driving on the farthest lane from the side- did I even think to look and see that I would not be merging into other cars? Oh no- I just went for it not taking my eyes of Spidey for a second- i killed him with a CD case (thank god i still keep old technology handy) and went about my merry way when I realized how reckless i had just been.
So, if this was my reaction and I don't hate spiders, I can only imagine the panic of someone who does. Hands off the wheel, cursing up a storm and shrieking like a manic panic-mode.
Solution: Spiders, stay the fuck out of the car- you don't even have a license.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Oink oink my fellow riders.
So, as my fiancé noted this morning as we rode the rocket together (like, the subway- did that sound sexual to anyone else?) I write a lot about the subway. The truth is that the subway emphasizes the most horrible qualities in people so it would be negligent for me to overlook what awful things said people do.
But the true climax of the experience can be found at Bloor Station. I will forget the most certainly fake blond in cheap wannabe leather who shoved her way into me at St. Clair station, I will ignore my total embarrassment for the short and angry dude at the same station who bellowed out that he needed to get off the car as the doors were opening (that is why subways stop, stupid) and pay no notice to the guy who spent the whole 10 minute ride giving me dirty looks after my vocal fiance asked him to move in a bit more to accommodate all the people throwing elbows into my back (sigh- my hero) and I will focus instead on why we should all, collectively be ashamed of ourselves.
Dear people,
If you have been to Bloor station in rush hour, then you know the drill- half or more of every single person on every single car gets off here and for everyone that disembarks, there is someone waiting to get on and continue south. so the doors open, people rush like mad cattle off the train, the people who are waiting to get on often begin the shoving too and if you touch only 10 people in this whole charade, you are a lucky one.
All the while a voice on the intercom tells you to wait for people to get off the car before loading on, to wait for the next car which is seconds away instead of swarming the one present, to follow some kind of line procedure as to not concuss your fellow man, and to walk one way on one side and the other way on the other side so that you don't have to smash your body into everyone else in the entire station.
Um, who else is totally embarrassed that despite the fact that;
a. we are all, for the most part, professional adults in the station during this time and we should be able to maneuver around one another in some kind of respectable manner without the guidance of an intercom
b. there is a fucking intercom and we still can't get it right
c. there are even policemen and guards around and we STILL can't get it right.... oh and don't even get me started on these police man guard people- why are you even there? Do you actually do anything besides talk to the guard next to you???? Thats.not.helping.
SO.BAD.
Everyday without fail people behave like monsters and without fail manage to subsequently make the whole process longer by inserting their stupidity.
People, what is the matter here?
Is there not some way we can manage to all get off and on the subway without elbowing my boobs? Call it selfish but just don't want to be trampled anymore.
Yours Truly,
Jane.
PS. If you were on the subway at around 8:20 this morning and thought it would be cute to do all the above mentioned atrocities, a special fuck you to you my friends.
But the true climax of the experience can be found at Bloor Station. I will forget the most certainly fake blond in cheap wannabe leather who shoved her way into me at St. Clair station, I will ignore my total embarrassment for the short and angry dude at the same station who bellowed out that he needed to get off the car as the doors were opening (that is why subways stop, stupid) and pay no notice to the guy who spent the whole 10 minute ride giving me dirty looks after my vocal fiance asked him to move in a bit more to accommodate all the people throwing elbows into my back (sigh- my hero) and I will focus instead on why we should all, collectively be ashamed of ourselves.
Dear people,
If you have been to Bloor station in rush hour, then you know the drill- half or more of every single person on every single car gets off here and for everyone that disembarks, there is someone waiting to get on and continue south. so the doors open, people rush like mad cattle off the train, the people who are waiting to get on often begin the shoving too and if you touch only 10 people in this whole charade, you are a lucky one.
All the while a voice on the intercom tells you to wait for people to get off the car before loading on, to wait for the next car which is seconds away instead of swarming the one present, to follow some kind of line procedure as to not concuss your fellow man, and to walk one way on one side and the other way on the other side so that you don't have to smash your body into everyone else in the entire station.
Um, who else is totally embarrassed that despite the fact that;
a. we are all, for the most part, professional adults in the station during this time and we should be able to maneuver around one another in some kind of respectable manner without the guidance of an intercom
b. there is a fucking intercom and we still can't get it right
c. there are even policemen and guards around and we STILL can't get it right.... oh and don't even get me started on these police man guard people- why are you even there? Do you actually do anything besides talk to the guard next to you???? Thats.not.helping.
SO.BAD.
Everyday without fail people behave like monsters and without fail manage to subsequently make the whole process longer by inserting their stupidity.
People, what is the matter here?
Is there not some way we can manage to all get off and on the subway without elbowing my boobs? Call it selfish but just don't want to be trampled anymore.
Yours Truly,
Jane.
PS. If you were on the subway at around 8:20 this morning and thought it would be cute to do all the above mentioned atrocities, a special fuck you to you my friends.
Sorry about your penis.
So, is it just me or is anyone else totally put off by the fact that today is September 20th????
- I don't think I am ok with that. Dear Time, Please slow down- yours Truly, me.
I have offish busted out the boots, the hats, even the decorative scarves and packed away all my summer gear (although, not too far as I will need it for my month long vaca- what what).
Anyways- point I am getting at is that fall is here. Just in case you are seasonally challenged.
So donned in full jacket, boots and warm accessories, I spent a most wonderful long weekend on the town.
Thursday night one of my oldest friends got married so my fiance and I took Friday off both so that we could enjoy the night and so we could tackle a bunch of wedding stuff that needed to get done.
So, one thing we needed was our marriage license so we had to head tot he most romantic place in the universe- the government offices. There we were greeted with a waiting room full of people either signing up for a wedding or to change their birth certificate- the ultimate setting for romance.
Some lady decked out as a clown- at least, i think she was trying to look like a clown...possible that she just actually looked like that- unfortunate, but possible.... anyways- some lady got all our stuff together and just like that we have a license to wed- it is a pretty crazy idea if you think about it- if we had but 3 other signatures on that paper, we would be husband and wife- it is merely pen ink separating us from matrimony...
Anyways, after our ultra romantical jaunt we had an appetite (for love- just kidding) so we meandered over to the Eaton Center to check out the much anticipated new food court.
So here's the deal. It's a food court, but a mega awesome one. Some highlights in food include, Big House Smoke Burger, Liberty Noodle (nomnomnom), Urban Herbivoire, Amaya and Aroma. There were so many nice healthy options.
Too bad there were not so many nice healthy people to go with it. Zoom in on the McDonalds lineup as it swirls around the entire circumference of the room as if there isn't another McDonalds on the top floor of the mall and 2 blocks away respectively. I promise that the Big Macs taste the same on every floor.
Zoom in on the fatty bombatty sitting beside the salad bar stuffing her face with KFC. Really? KFC- a whole bucket to yourself? Would you like a side of bacon with that? Some lard dipping sauce?
Obviously I darted straight over to the Urban Herbivore (I realize how off this will sound but they have the best Tempeh). Here's the thing- I just don't believe that if you are lining up to eat at a vegan friendly salad bar, that you should be a total dick face. Again, the food court proved me wrong because I got yelled at by a grown man who claimed he was in front of me in line- I mean, sure, when you step in front of someone in their line you are technically in front of them, so he wasn't wrong per say- but he was also totally wrong.
So anyways, I can only say that Eaton Center is a total gong show. I don't dare set foot in there again soon for fear of sanity lost.
So I was going to post a whole other blog, but while I am on the topic of douchebag men, please let me fast forward to Sunday. Sunday was spent hiking down to the Brickworks with one of my very best friends. Me and her love going for walks together in our neighbourhood as we always seem to have several hours of things to discuss so suggesting this hike seemed like a great idea- it was. This is a seriously nice hike- highly recommended.
Anyways- to get there, and back, you can go through my most favorite of waling paths, the Mount Pleasant Cemetery. `So we are in the cemetery and whilst it is a walking path enjoyed by many, and whilst there were an abundance of loud children on bikes anyways, I tend to try and keep my voice low as to be somewhat considerate of the sanctity of the dead.
So the Cemetery is comprised of roads that you can walk down and although they are true roads with 2 lanes I don't know that the "rules of the road" really apply- so when we found ourselves walking on the wrong side with a bicyclist about 2 minutes away, we figured that, like a normal person, he would just go right around us since the whole rest of the road was void of cars.
But no. Alas he instead chose to verbally harass us as he flew by almost nailing us right onto the lawn- and not to worry stupid dick, not like that lawn is sacred or anything- who shouldn't have to jump on the burial site of Sir Thomas to avoid you?
I watched this South Park episode recently that was about the correlation of small penises to anger. All I can conclude with is that this guy and the food court guy were mighty angry. Just Saying.
- I don't think I am ok with that. Dear Time, Please slow down- yours Truly, me.
I have offish busted out the boots, the hats, even the decorative scarves and packed away all my summer gear (although, not too far as I will need it for my month long vaca- what what).
Anyways- point I am getting at is that fall is here. Just in case you are seasonally challenged.
So donned in full jacket, boots and warm accessories, I spent a most wonderful long weekend on the town.
Thursday night one of my oldest friends got married so my fiance and I took Friday off both so that we could enjoy the night and so we could tackle a bunch of wedding stuff that needed to get done.
So, one thing we needed was our marriage license so we had to head tot he most romantic place in the universe- the government offices. There we were greeted with a waiting room full of people either signing up for a wedding or to change their birth certificate- the ultimate setting for romance.
Some lady decked out as a clown- at least, i think she was trying to look like a clown...possible that she just actually looked like that- unfortunate, but possible.... anyways- some lady got all our stuff together and just like that we have a license to wed- it is a pretty crazy idea if you think about it- if we had but 3 other signatures on that paper, we would be husband and wife- it is merely pen ink separating us from matrimony...
Anyways, after our ultra romantical jaunt we had an appetite (for love- just kidding) so we meandered over to the Eaton Center to check out the much anticipated new food court.
So here's the deal. It's a food court, but a mega awesome one. Some highlights in food include, Big House Smoke Burger, Liberty Noodle (nomnomnom), Urban Herbivoire, Amaya and Aroma. There were so many nice healthy options.
Too bad there were not so many nice healthy people to go with it. Zoom in on the McDonalds lineup as it swirls around the entire circumference of the room as if there isn't another McDonalds on the top floor of the mall and 2 blocks away respectively. I promise that the Big Macs taste the same on every floor.
Zoom in on the fatty bombatty sitting beside the salad bar stuffing her face with KFC. Really? KFC- a whole bucket to yourself? Would you like a side of bacon with that? Some lard dipping sauce?
Obviously I darted straight over to the Urban Herbivore (I realize how off this will sound but they have the best Tempeh). Here's the thing- I just don't believe that if you are lining up to eat at a vegan friendly salad bar, that you should be a total dick face. Again, the food court proved me wrong because I got yelled at by a grown man who claimed he was in front of me in line- I mean, sure, when you step in front of someone in their line you are technically in front of them, so he wasn't wrong per say- but he was also totally wrong.
So anyways, I can only say that Eaton Center is a total gong show. I don't dare set foot in there again soon for fear of sanity lost.
So I was going to post a whole other blog, but while I am on the topic of douchebag men, please let me fast forward to Sunday. Sunday was spent hiking down to the Brickworks with one of my very best friends. Me and her love going for walks together in our neighbourhood as we always seem to have several hours of things to discuss so suggesting this hike seemed like a great idea- it was. This is a seriously nice hike- highly recommended.
Anyways- to get there, and back, you can go through my most favorite of waling paths, the Mount Pleasant Cemetery. `So we are in the cemetery and whilst it is a walking path enjoyed by many, and whilst there were an abundance of loud children on bikes anyways, I tend to try and keep my voice low as to be somewhat considerate of the sanctity of the dead.
So the Cemetery is comprised of roads that you can walk down and although they are true roads with 2 lanes I don't know that the "rules of the road" really apply- so when we found ourselves walking on the wrong side with a bicyclist about 2 minutes away, we figured that, like a normal person, he would just go right around us since the whole rest of the road was void of cars.
But no. Alas he instead chose to verbally harass us as he flew by almost nailing us right onto the lawn- and not to worry stupid dick, not like that lawn is sacred or anything- who shouldn't have to jump on the burial site of Sir Thomas to avoid you?
I watched this South Park episode recently that was about the correlation of small penises to anger. All I can conclude with is that this guy and the food court guy were mighty angry. Just Saying.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Thoughts for today.
If I am allergic to Strawberries am I also allergic to strawberry flavored filling?
I wish I could wear crop tops more often
I laughed really hard at the girl in my gym class who mouthed the words and made gestures to every single rap song that was played as she pumped iron (oh, and she is white)- then I realized i was also gesturing- do you think this means we should be friends?
I had a really crap few days and love the friends who have been my pillars- friends make you rich, in people, which, if you were trading in the black market would make you actually rich.
I am venturing out to play dodgeball tomorrow- in the event that I break my hands (even though they said we are only using a nerf ball) here is how it went- I came, I saw, I played, I got out. My fiance has assured me that dodgeball is a game where you are only as good as your best player, not as bad as your worst. That's reassuring.
Happy hump day.
I wish I could wear crop tops more often
I laughed really hard at the girl in my gym class who mouthed the words and made gestures to every single rap song that was played as she pumped iron (oh, and she is white)- then I realized i was also gesturing- do you think this means we should be friends?
I had a really crap few days and love the friends who have been my pillars- friends make you rich, in people, which, if you were trading in the black market would make you actually rich.
I am venturing out to play dodgeball tomorrow- in the event that I break my hands (even though they said we are only using a nerf ball) here is how it went- I came, I saw, I played, I got out. My fiance has assured me that dodgeball is a game where you are only as good as your best player, not as bad as your worst. That's reassuring.
Happy hump day.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
I waste so much time
My hilarious sister sent me a hilarious page this morning- Please love:
iwastesomuchtime.com
If you don't laugh out loud, you have a bad sense of humor.
iwastesomuchtime.com
If you don't laugh out loud, you have a bad sense of humor.
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