The union

I have done it. I have successfully set up the most amazing couple in the whole world. Hurray for Plantains.

Yes readers, I fancy myself a bit of a matchmaker and whether or not I get the “thank you” mention at the wedding that I will deserve, I have found the next great couple.

Max, meet the woman I sat next to on the bus today- woman, meet Max who was in my cooking class last night. I know that you two crazy cats will hit it off.

A bit of background on one another? Sure thing. I think it is important for you both to determine whether or not you would be a good match- you don’t just have to take my word for it.

So, meet Max.
I met Max last night and have not been able to get him off my mind. It isn't every day that you get pushed aside in a cooking demo for custard and baklava by a 60 year old man who feels that he just NEEDS to stir the mother fucking batter before you.
But Max, you sweet soul, you- you just pushed me right aside didn’t you.... Didn’t you????

I find it refreshing to meet an elderly man who doesn’t give a shit to be kind/ polite or gentlemanly when in the presence of a lady- and almost invigorating to know that there are still some people in this world who get cranky, at 60 years old, when they cant stir the custard batter for long enough.

Best of all, after you pissed me off by cutting in front of me 5 times straight and I started snapping at you, my husband had to actually moderate the situation- making sure that everyone in our cooking group had a turn at helping out. I was SO impressed by the way that you needed to be told when your turn was- and when it was not your turn in order to share with your team. A grown up man who cannot share well with others in a social environment is so damn sexy.

Max also enjoys long walks on the beach, not having conversations with people around him even when they are working REALLY hard to just be friendly, budding in front of small children who are waiting in line for Santa and cooking baklava.

Max, meet woman on the bus.
I met this woman this very morning after having my own personal battle royal with my jacket zipper before leaving the house. I was tired and the zipper had won so it was to my delight and joy that I got to sit next to this woman.

She was or is a smoker, that much I know for sure- I could tell by the thick lines around her mouth that she had sucked back on a ciggy one to many times in her hayday- but I for one, think that wrinkles that you can attribute to a bad habit look very rock and roll. So we dub her the female Keith Richards. What could be sexier than that?

Of course the best part about her was that she spent the entire 10 minutes beside me chewing gum with ferocity. You can just tell by the ridiculously loud chomping noises she was making, that she was a woman who likes to sink her teeth into projects- that she takes life by the horns- that she has a zest for life overall... Often when people make horrific and raunchy mouth noises, I fell like saying to them, “yes, yes, that is just fucking awesome- PLEASE keep making saliva noises in my ear, stranger. It rules”.

Can you just imagine the duo I have conceived?
He holds her hand and trips women carrying babies on the street while she chomps like a cow by his side.
They could go to dinners where he would be rude and stupid and she could place her gum on the underside of the table to pause the gum chewing for food chewing.
Sex would be a dream.

Yes folks, I am feeling mighty proud of myself for this set up. May cupid himself smile down on this magically wonderful couple for all eternity.

The end.