Ah!
We got our wedding photos back the other day and I am floored at how amazing they are- we had a really great day, but moreover, we had 3 very talented men snapping away all day long.
Click Photography- they are the bomb- and Frank, the owner who came to shoot us on the day of even though he was shooting another event that night, along with his 2 co photographers were hilarious and fun to work with.
http://www.clickphotoco.com/
Ok, so this gross, grey morning served to make us lament being home from otherwise warm climates. What a drag to be ironing your dress pants at 7am, gazing out the window to be greeted with drear. I know it could be worse and that this is winter, but to say I am excited for my upcoming weekend away in the sun would be an understatement.
But now, back to the vaca- because I would never leave you hanging in Bangkok...
After our time there we spent one night in Phuket (and one night too many, if you ask me)- we didn't even see too much of Phuket to know that we would not be interested in seeing it again.
Here is how the distaste grew. We are waiting in the Bangkok airport for our domestic flight to Phuket, the plane is delayed but, in Thailand, even on economy domestic flights, there are lounges with free food so it was only an imposition to be stuck there a little longer when the spanakopitas ran out.
We are seated beside 3 dudes who look like Jersey Shore rejects who eat steroids 3 meals a day.
All my life my parents always comment on overly tattooed people and how stupid they look to which my response is always how lame my parents are being and how tattoos are an art form. Looking at these 3 guys, I found myself thinking that either am getting lame with age OR these guys have seriously stupid tattoos. Listen, what do I know, but how much artistic integrity or significance can there be in an arm band of barbed wire or starts or tribal print? Possible that each guy who carefully placed his tattoo band over the largest bulging biceps was a convict or astrologer or member of a super-tribe- more likely they all wanted to flaunt their over stimulated muscles and didn't want to all get the tribal art- do you think they fing-ed for who would have to take the stars?
Either way- there they were perusing through their pictures- they had just come from a week in Phuket and were on their way to the New Years Full Moon Party on the other side of Thailand's South.
Now, different strokes for different folk right? Obviously these guys were after a different experience than us right from the get go as we were going to the opposite side of where the Full Moon party was and had no desire to be a part of that scene.
So, they are going through their pictures and getting really excited about their favorite day in Phuket and I am sitting across from them getting all envious about what I assume are pictures of perfect beaches, incredible views, lush greenery, or, you know, a video of them fist pumping to some party rock anthem song at a club. THAT is your best time ever? What? No clubs down under mates?
I cannot even fathom traveling to a new country and referencing your "best time" as the night you spent at a club- like when Jersey Shore travels all the way to Italy just so they can compare the clubs they visit to Karma- why bother going anywhere??
I kinda figured that if these guys LOVED Phuket so much, then I would not be so enamored by it.
Again, we only spent the night and I am sure that there are redeeming things about it and much to see however in the 15 minutes we spent walking the streets I would say about 5 cabs asked us if we were going to Patong beach (where all the clubs/ladyboys/nightlife live)- um....
Nothing else to do here but fist pump the night away? No thanks.
Anywho, I so digress because the point of this post was getting you to Phi Phi, which is where we went to from and why we had to stop in Phuket.
So, prior to leaving, people said "you can't miss Phi Phi"- this is true. You should see it as it is the most aesthetically stunning landscape that we saw. There are 2 islands- Phi Phi LAy- which is where the Beach was filmed, an uninhabited island with perfect water and gorgeous beaches, and Phi Phi Don, what I am sure was also once a stunning beach now populated by one too many hotels and speed boats. Still, before I became as jaded as I am now, I thought it looked like paradise, boats and all.
My husband is a traveling sort- he likes dirt and camping and all that stuff and so he was totally psyched to be staying at a resort that boasted itself to be like living on the set of Lost. No electricity, no hot water and rustic bungalows in a garden steps away from the beach. I was even getting excited about the idea of "roughing it" in this resort Paradise.
Relax Beach Koh Phi Phi- I hate you.
Our room, upon first glance was as charming as we imagined it to be. The towels were made into 2 swans kissing and I swooned over the beautiful balcony, the mosquito net circling the bed, the rustic wood steps... it was only later that I began to understand the situation. No electricity meant that our mid day nap was akin to a mid day sauna with extra heat and extra sweat, our cold water shower meant that there was no f-ing way I was submerging myself in ice cold temperatures and therefore, I was not even close to being clean after a day on the beach- sand likes to hide in your body, just saying. Rustic bungalow meant that there were full openings in the walls and roof resulting in bugs everywhere including a beetle the size of my fist just chilling next to our bed, and rustic also meant that you could not flush your toilet paper down the toilet.
My husband is still shocked that I reference this as being weird- he has seen this many times before but having never been to a developing country in my life, I had not and it is strange to wipe yourself and then dispose of it into a waste basket.
I am not a total princess. I didn't love the accommodation and the nuances of it but I am a good sport- and plus, what I didn't love about it was that it made honeymooning SO unromantic. Seeing your partners toilet refuse= not romantic, having sand in your butt=not romantic... you get where I am going here right?
So fine rustic does not always translate into romance- you probably knew that didn't you?
Anyways, we woke up, found strange bites on our bodies, 2 other couples who also had them and red bugs in our mattress- that was enough for us to say ta-ta to Relax Beach (and by ta-ta I mean a huge F you because we were pretty sure we now had bed bugs along with sandy bums).
The staff at this resort could not have been more unhelpful and rude- I think they even laughed at us when we told them there were bugs in the mattress- hey, maybe they think sleeping with creepy crawlers who have pinchers is totally legit, who knows... they tried to assure us that everything was ok by showing us one of the staff members arm- claiming he too had bad bites and that they were just mosquitos- the guy had a giant infected looking rash on his arm. Not.calming.
We decided to let this issue simmer while we went on our pre-paid snorkeling half day trip as organized by the resort. Here's the trip. They take us to Maya Bay which would be a stunning secluded beach on Phi Phi Lay but for that there are about 40000000000 other tourists with other boats here too.
It seemed that we missed the memo about it being Russian Sprorts Illustrated photoshoot day.
I wish I was exaggerating when I say that every single person on this beach aside from myself and my boat mates from our stupid resort were engaged in a super-sexy photoshoot AND all these couples were like supermodels (minus their faces) girls in thongs with perfect bodies, guys in speedos, hairless and oiled- that was our view. It was ridonc.
After the sexy photo beach, they take us to snorkel for all of 10 minutes, they take us around the island for photos and then to "Monkey Bay" where they promise you a sighting of real live monkeys (thank god we missed the fake dead viewing)- so, what to say about this Monkey Bay- hey hey hey... again, it is us and a bagillion other people and everyone is feeding the monkeys- some are abiding by the rules and feeding them bananas and fruit- some are feeding them coke and beer. This bay was just mostly a display of how incredibly rude and stupid tourists can be- in an alternative universe all these people deserve to be fed feces by monkeys while the monkeys chase them around gawking and harassing them.
What a hack daytrip. My hopes for having so much fun that I forgot my gross bug bites and just fell back in love with the whole resort and everything I experienced was just flushed down the toilet (and hey, at least something was flushed down it)
So back at the resort, we agreed that we would complain again- got laughed at again and agreed then to leave this craphole.
Listen, bed bugs can totally happen to anyone when you travel, in any class of accommodation- it is just my expectation that if and when I get bed bugs or find bugs in my bed, that you will do more than laugh at me and tell me I am being ridiculous- that's all. simple customer service. OR, if not, you will receive my wrath because if you think that I didn't come home and write a review on tripadvisor warning about your bedbug issue, you are wrong Relax Beach, very wrong.
Anyways, it was a blessing in disguise because had we not moved resorts we would have missed out on the best New Years eve! We ate, we drank Thai whiskey, watched ladyboys sing Jewish songs and watched amazing fireworks/ dodged the falling flames of said fireworks as they almost hit me in the face- plus, we slept in a beautiful lush bed, showered in a clean shower and felt the romance of the island. It was amazing and began what would be 2.5 more weeks of equally perfect experiences in equally clean places.
So, in my old age- I am not as rustic as I would like to be, is one thing that I learned about myself on vaca- big whoop, wanna fight about it?
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