Dear readers,
I read this Olivia Wilde article about being 30- people actually reposted this all over Facebook so I was intrigued. What could a 29-year-old on the cusp of being 30-year-old famous actress marrying a famous actor have in common with me?
Turns out that we are both thinking about turning 30 and we both think you shouldn’t get Botox or facelifts. Who knew we had so much similarities in our thinking? Seems we agree that doing work to yourself in the ripe years of your 30s is just f-ing gross. I was recently with a group of girls who were patiently waiting to try Botox and I thought to myself how, like tanning, this is going to make them look ridiculous in a few years. Ladies, Olivia and I both urge you to chill the fuck out on your appearance. At your funerals, which I hope don’t come for a very very long time, no one will give a shit that you had no wrinkles, fit into a size zero or had a facelift- and if they do, you should probably get new people in your life. People will remember you for being wonderful and for being you! Trust, I see tons of ladies when I visit my parents in Florida who, I am sure, in their prime had killer bodies and gorgeous faces. Later in life, no matter how much work you do, you will look old. You may look old and skinny but you will still look old- old and tanned= still old, old with liposuction stomach=still old. No one will ever care and if anything people will make fun of your over bloated lips behind your backs. A cautionary tale.
We also agree that you shouldn’t feel pressure to get married. I know a whole heap of people who are already getting divorced. If you don’t want to be one of those people, a good way to try and combat it is to not rush into marriage. Notwithstanding staunch religious people who save themselves until marriage and all that, marriage really changes nothing for a modern couple. I got married and got a much nicer set of dishes and a great party to look back on. That is all. And everything I ever wanted to do, including children, I could have done without my Dansk set and memories of a certain Cotton Eyed Joe remix.
Finally, we agree that you should learn a new skill. Why not. You're not dead yet. You can even add this to the other Do, enjoying your sexual prime- your partner or future partner will thank you.
Then she makes some points which, to be kind, seem a bit self indulgent and fucking stupid. Some of the other gems though, which I doth protest, include the following: Don’t freak out about all the brilliant people who accomplish more than you by 30, Do travel, Don’t be bogged down by your past. Very well when you are a multimillionaire actress who people named “sexiest woman alive”. Until the day when I can boast both of those accomplishments, I’m going to go right ahead and be jealous. Jealous of the 30 year old CEO of a company I wish I had started, the 25 year old fashion maven who was noted as “the next big thing” and the author of every good book I read. Is it to say I will not be those things one day? No, I can be whatever I want to be and so can you but a little envy can be a good driver to actually get off your ass and get what you so greenly eye. I guess if I was a smoking hot superstar, it would be easy to brush that dirt off my shoulders- unfortunately, the average 30 year old has just spent their 20’s figuring their shit out, not being all famous and stuff. I appreciate the sentiment, Olivia, but it is easy to preach when you are high on a tower... Or something.
Don’t feel pressure to pop out kids- PLEASE TELL THAT TO MY BODY!!! Would not a lot be solved if this wasn’t a pressure you had to face in your 30’s??? This would be a nice one to just be all cool about- like, ya man, no pressure except for that if you don’t have kids by a certain age, you cant and if you wait until you are Hollywood norm age like Halle Berry, you had better have her superhuman genes or be prepared for a lot of issues. Again, if I was a millionaire famous person, I may not worry about not getting pregnant later in my 30s when it gets harder, there would be IV and the price tag on every treatment would be a total breeze. Don’t make all of us 30 year olds who actually worry a lot about having a baby in the near future feel like freaks. Unfair, Olivia.
Do travel? Pay for my motherfucking flights.
And finally, don’t be bogged down by your past. This is one I both agree and disagree with. Yes, your past is your past. It is over and you have probably learned a lot from it HOWEVER, I will contest that there a re more than a few people out there who could stand to remember a bit about what has happened to them in hopes that it will make them a better person. Par example, if you did something really shitty- you should remember so you don’t do it again, if you have succeeded in losing all your good friends, you should probably remember so that you can be a better friend to your new ones, everyone always dumps you? Try thinking about why. Reflecting on one’s past never hurt anyone- living in it def can.
So, in summation enjoy your 30’s and do whatever you can to best live them to their fullest before you start dealing with the perils of real aging. If you are lucky you will find yourself a better, more secure and wealthy version of yourself in your 20’s. You will have cut all the crap from your life (whatever that means to you) and you will be surrounded with love, goodness and positivity. Plus, they say 30 is the new 20 anyways.
Happy Friday all you 30 year olds out there (and all the rest of you too)
Xo,
J
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