Ok, so I am late in the week on this but I just watched Bachelorette last night from Monday and woohah- what an episode. I am pleased to report that my 2 favorites are still in the running. Emily and I totally have the same taste- minus her choices of clothing, teeth and points at which she turns on the Southern accent.
Highlight of the episode by far was Doug. Doug was, in case you don’t watch and still care, the single dad who was nicknamed “humble Doug” by his friends- I think that in itself sheds some light on this guy. Very sweet, dorky as all hell and moved romantically at a snails pace- all the other dudes are busting out the hand J blanket and poor Doug is just getting up the courage to hold hands.
So, at this point, all the dudes have professed their love for her in some way or another (and yes, saying it through a puppet show totally counts) and good ol Humble Doug has yet to sit right next to our Bachelorette- so obvi, she dumps him.
Breaking up is truly hard to do BUT this was beyond the most brutal and embarrassing one yet. As she is more than obviously dumping his humble ass, he leans in and gives her this super awkward peck on the lips- he doesn’t even flinch and proceeds with her break up speech- it was horrible/ amazing to watch. we rewound that part several times to really truly enjoy the tremendous shame in it all.
Anywho, aside form laughing at other peoples misery which would no doubt condemn me to hell if I believed in it, the break up really made me think about break ups. I am obvi not having one and have not for 5 years but friends of mine who are in the dating game are and it is always interesting the strategies we use and the hilarious (and by hilarious) I mean often heart-wrenching experiences we have with them.
Props to Emily, our Bachelorette for taking the no-bullshit approach because this is, truly, the most fair and reasonable one- a lesson that I learned over many years of dating and finding a variety of ways to end things.
You could learn from this post or learn the hard way but I can guarantee that taking honestly as your main approach to relationships is always a win win.
Now, you could try the “be-rude-until-they-get-the-hint” road- it is effective for sure. Do bitchy things (or the manly equivalent to bitchy), be late or break plans often, speak like a total ass, flirt with other people around them, ignore them, put them down or just berate them daily and likely, unless the person has zero self esteem, they will dump you BUT the risk you run is that they will also hate you. You may think, who cares, but when person X becomes your boss or someone in your life in the future, you will care.
You could also go for the “avoid them completely until they just go away” tactic but unlike your pimples, relationships of any kind do not get better if you ignore them- in fact, they need to be popped- im barfing in my mouth at this analogy.
Moving on.
Avoidance is sometimes effective but usually the people you need to go out of your way to avoid are the same people who believe in a bit of persistence- eventually it gets awkward- plus Murphys law says you are bound to run into them during the avoidance phase so better to just nip it in the butt.
Finally, there is the newer “text” approach. Fuck your cell phone and internet- you shouldn’t date over text, you shouldn't break up over text- in fact you should not do anything in a new relationship over text. Nothing. IF you can’t call them, you don’t respect them and if you don’t respect them, why are you even dating them? Do you not respect yourself- I went there. OOOOOHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSSSSS
RESPECT yo self.
Shit, honestly people. Try it
Worried about breaking their hearts- trust, they will get over it and you- fast
Worried about being nervous- really? Are you? Pussy
Worried about what they will say- who cares
Worried about any repercussions- who on earth are you dating anyways??
Anywho, pertinent information inspired by the Bachelorette- yup, that shiz is for realz.
Happy Thursday.
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