Fab Feb

Hi readers,

As February rolls to an end in just 9 more days, I think it worthwhile to review the month.

My first admission is that I totes didn’t hand in my sketchbook this year. I feel like such a hack for the amount of time I spend doodling and the lack of time I put towards just doing it in the confines of the brown paper pages they provide. So for the first time in 3 years, I will not have a tiny slot in the vast library of people who draw shit- my book and it’s under-developed story will live in my own color coded bookshelves always amiss for the absence of a full brown section (because OCD dictates that a rust brown be categorized with oranges, obviously).

I actually even thought my story was pretty damn good but never with an opportunity to really fluff out the details. If I hate anything in life (I hate lots of things- this is just a dramatic line for no one) it is a story that has an unsatisfying ending. Where my main character, Saucer Eyes, lost her panache was in the conclusion because I was just powering through the final 4 pages. Lesson learned folks, lesson learned.

Second point was the second gathering of my new book club. I have this (endearing????) tendency to coo over people when I am drunk. Like, put some wine into me and if I like you, you are sure to know it. This was a totally plague in my high school/university days when boys were involved because it is impossible to play hard-to-get when you just word vomit love on people the second alcohol touches your lips. Frankly, I still word puke on people all the time- it makes me thankful that I am scared of confrontations because I can only imagine that if I wasn’t, the word bile could be dangerous to my health and well-being. As it stands, no one ever wants to punch you for telling them how great they are and how much you value them- although I did once accidentally tell a boy I loved him when I was drunk (it was a total “I totally love you man” moment) and I probs broke his heart when he said it back, and meant it- I digress....

Book club- right, that’s where we were. If I had not been super careful with my vino consumption I would have totally love-sploded on these girls- new friends are the best. 

So this month we read The Marriage Plot. I loved this book. Yes, the female character was weak, pathetic and totally driven by a need to be accepted and loved by a man but is that honestly so unfathomable? Have I myself not been said girl and do I not know a slew of fellow love fools who have gone off the deep end for the sake of love- in fact, I would assert that love would be so much less exciting if not for the craziness that it instills in people- I like that it turns you into a maniac, that it is unreliable and gut wrenching at times- makes it real yo.

Anywho, it obviously made me think about both mine and my friends various relationships throughout our younger years and how many times I did stupid shit in the name of a dude- how much I put up with in the name of a dude. It was so easy to read this book and judge the character’s flaws and misgivings as it is to judge people around you who you think are in crappy relationships. Alls I can tell you is that in hindsight- if everyone around you hates your partner or has cray stuff to say about them, they probably suck. I would only wish that when I told my friend who was dating a pseudo homeless guy, married guy, total loser guy, insert shitty quality here they had listened to me- likewise, when my mom and dad/ friends used to tell me how totally crap my bf was- I wish I had listened to them- teenagers, always learning shit the hard way.

Love. My favorite topic of all time was pretty much the theme of the whole month following the reading of The Marriage Plot. Craving book, I read The Rules of Civility- a love story set in jazz era NYC about a love triangle, love lost and how love lingers. This was followed by The Paris Wife- the love story of Ernest Hemingway and his first wife- both touched on the idea of the love that you will always and never have- I like that idea- that people exist in your life that you will always and never love- somewhere out there someone always and never loves you- think about it.

And, on the topic of love, I bring you Valentine’s day- Plantain style. Any holiday that involves candy- in. I really don’t care for all that crap about not wanting to participate in a Hallmark holiday or that Valentines Day is depressing for single people or annoying for couples who have to go out and spend unnecessary money on flowers. Hot daym scrooges- get with the love fest.
Who ever said anything about Valentines Day being for couples???
A day of love should celebrate just that. Love. If you have no love in your life, then fine- you deserve to bitch about Valentines day but I would redirect your efforts into becoming a nicer person- just saying.

For V day this year, I took myself on a mini shopping spree and treated myself to new yoga clothes, I volunteered, I ate something yummy and bought presents for upcoming celebrations in the lives of people around me because you know what? I love myself (and clothes) love yoga, love doing good for the greater good, love food, and love the special people in my life. Sure, my hubby was with me for the evening and yes- I bought him a book I knew he would like but I felt more grateful to have so much love in my life period than to be married- shit, I celebrate being married to a wonderful man every single day.

Oh, and I wore read the whole 24 hours. Booya.

And finally, February was the month of giving up on my wake-up-early-everyday thing. Honestly, if anyone has a tip or trick related to getting my ass out of bed at a time that allows me room to breath before running out the door- please share. I will consider it community service- you can think of yourself as a good deed doer.

Yours very truly- in the February spirit,
Jane.